Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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