I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
