Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
