dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
