So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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