you're like a bully in the Christmas story
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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