he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
