The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize