I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
