she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
