we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
