Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
