We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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