I just threw up on my dentist
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
