We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
