apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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