I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The power of my boobs compel you
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
