the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
