You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
