i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
