you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
