I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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