i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
