yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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