My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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