Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I cockslap morals
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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