My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
