Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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