For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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