I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
