I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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