she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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