so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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