If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
