I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
