i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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