Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize