I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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