I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
