I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
