thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
