I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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