Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
