If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
