I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
