how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
