Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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