I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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