their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
