According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
