a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
