If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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