Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
