Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
