He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
