if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
