She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
