Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
