His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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