i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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