I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
