the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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