I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
