i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
