Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
