Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
