Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
