If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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