Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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