dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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