You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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