so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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