nutella sex= disaster
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
