sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
