I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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