You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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