Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
