New low: just hacked my moms facebook
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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