I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
