Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
