he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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