Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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