If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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